Electrical theory by joseph lucas

[Preen59]

ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS
Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke".
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!
The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring very unsightly large wires.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts.
Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.
And remember: �A gentleman does not motor about after dark.� - Joseph Lucas, �The Prince of Darkness� - 1842-1903
A few Lucas quips:
The Lucas motto: �Get home before dark.�
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
Back in the �70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.
This has been referred to as the smoke theory. When the smoke comes out its finished, cooked or done for.

[gregozedobe]

I've even seen a product advertised as an "All purpose repair kit for Lucas electrics" - it was a jar of smoke, supposedly with instructions on how to re-insert the smoke back into the failed component.

Back in the 70's when I used to hang around with blokes that rode motorbikes, the guys that had BSAs and Triumphs and Nortons (or Tritons) had to make sure that a few of us that had "Jap crap" bikes came along for any rides that might involve after dark travel, just so they would have some bikes with lights that actually worked

[Markybhoy]

That's awesome. As an ex mini owner, I can testify that it's all true.

I can remember getting into my mini one night, starting the engine, and turning on the headlights, only to find that one of them wouldn't turn on. Fixed the problem real easy though.....I just opened my door and slammed it shut again - and the light came back on!

[dubbed]

lol that's classic! I know they're notorious for crappy electrics, but was it really that prevalent?!

[gregozedobe]

lol that's classic! I know they're notorious for crappy electrics, but was it really that prevalent?!

Yes. 90% of mini owners had a can of WD40 or similar to spray on the ignition when required. The other 10% didn't drive in the rain (whether they wanted to or not - their car wouldn't go).

[Treza360]

I've posted these before. It's such a shame the humour threads expire.
Courtesy of http://www.mez.co.uk/lucas.html
Cheers,
Trent



Lucas the Prince of Darkness

• Not many people know that Land Rovers attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They could not find a way to get it to leak oil!
• A Land Rover doesn´t leak oil, it marks it´s territory.
• Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.
• Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
• The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
• Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
• Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
• Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
• The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.
• The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
• Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
• Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
• "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."
• If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
• A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower...
• Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
• Why do the British drink warm beer? Because Lucas makes their refrigerators
• Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
• Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars,kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."

Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke




Description

Have you inadvertantly let the smoke out of the wires on your classic British car? This, then, is the solution to your problem!

Here is presented for your perusal one Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke kit, P/N 530433, along with the very rare Churchill Tool 18G548BS adapter tube and metering valve. These kits were supplied surreptitiously to Lucas factory technicians as a trouble-shooting and repair aid for the rectification of chronic electrical problems on a plethora of British cars. The smoke is metered, through the fuse box, into the circuit which has released it's original smoke until the leak is located and repaired. The affected circuit is then rectified and the replacement smoke re-introduced. An advantage over the cheap repro smoke kits currently available is the exceptionally rare Churchill metering valve and fuse box adapter. It enables the intrepid and highly skilled British Car Technician to meter the precise amount of genuine Lucas smoke required by the circuit.

Unlike the cheap, far-eastern replacement DIYsmoke offered by the "usual suppliers", this kit includes a filter to ensure that all the smoke is of consistent size, It has been our experience in our shop that the reproduction Tiawanese smoke is often "lumpy", which will cause excessive resistance in our finely-engineered British harnesses and components. This is often the cause of failure in the repro electrical parts currently available, causing much consternation and misplaced cursing of the big three suppliers.

These kits have long been the secret weapon of the "Ultimate Authorities" in the trade, and this may be the last one available. Be forewarned, though, that it is not applicable to any British vehicle built after the discontinuing of bullet connectors, so you Range Rover types are still on your own...

This Genuine Factory Authorised kit contains enough smoke to recharge the entire window circuit on a 420 Jaguar, and my dear friend and advisor George Wolf of British Auto Specialty assures me that he can replace ALL the smoke in a W&F Barrett All-Weather Invalid Car(147 CC) with enough left over to test a whole box of Wind-Tone horns for escaped smoke. How much more of an endorsement do you need?

More, you say? Well, I once let the smoke out of the overdrive wiring on my friend Roger Hankey's TR3B, and was able to drive over 200 miles home from The Roadster Factory Summer Party by carefully introducing smoke into the failed circuit WITHOUT even properly repairing the leak. Another friend, Richard Stephenson, was able to repair the cooling fan circuit of his Series 1 E-type by merely replacing a fuse and injecting a small quantity of smoke back into the wires. So there!

So, if you're troubled by lost smoke, bid early and bid often! Thanks for looking!

[Treza360]

Question & Answer Answered On

Q: I have a fourteen year old son named Lucas who I have caught several times in the back of the garage smoking. Can this item help him to respect a little firm parental intervention and aid him in smoking less...or even stopping altogether?
Jun-09-05
A: Part of the problem may be the fact that you named your son after the Prince Of Darkness. Mayhaps you should be happy that all you have caught him doing in the back of the garage is smoking! My suggestion is: since you already have spoiled him for life with his moniker, you search the 'Bay for a proper Little British Car to restore as a father-and-son project. That way, he'll have a way to fill the idle hours he'd have spent chasing girls had he been named Rocky or something more suitable. Plus, he'll learn first-handed how disgusting smoke can be. Alas, though, not with this unit, because whilst trying to photograph it for a spread in "Popular Ether Technology", it was unfortunately broken. Therefore, the auction must be terminated early. Thanks for the heartwarming interest!

Q: Once I have re-introduced smoke into my TR-2, do you warranty that it's system will resume operating at the speed of dark?
Jun-09-05
A: If you reintroduce the smoke through a microwave oven, you may even go back in time!

Q: I have been very diligent over the years and have maintained the smoke in my Sunbeam's wires perfectly. The problem is that that special Lucas perfume has disappeared from the dash, carpets and seats. In fact, at the last Concours d'Elegance I lost out to a frogeye with period odors. Is the smoke in your kit fresh enough to bring back the OEM smells of burning plastic and bakelite and are you including an adapter to replace same.
Jun-09-05
A: No adapter needed, but have you tried just STARTING that overrestored trailer queen? It might bring back the aroma by itself.

Q: This has been a most informative thread which set me off thinking about wider global environmental changes that have happened since the mid 70's. Could it be that the copious release of smoke from Lucas wiring looms around that time has significantly contributed to the holes in the ozone layer and the onset of global warming? Could it be that, had your excellent device been more available at that time, we could have saved the planet for future generations instead of fighting a rear guard action? Hindsight is such a wonderful thing isn't it.
Jun-09-05
A: Hey- This is a serious site- we're not discussing "junk science" like Global Climate Change!

Q: I have a questions. For some time. My object is to restore a the few pre-Chrysler Rootes Sunbeam Tigers to original factory condition, with ALL the LAT racing options. So far, I have been quite successful, but unaware of your Lucas Smoke Kit. I am perplexed as to it's satistactory application to this original British Classic that Mr. Carroll Shelby has enhanced with a lot of Ford (USA) parts. This includes a large portion, but not all, of the electrics. It is very easy to differentiate between the Lucas Parts and the Ford Parts, as the Ford Parts still work. While we cn admire Mr. Lucas for the development of the intermittent windshield wiper, the self-dimming lighting system, and the colorful turn signal spark generator, it is unclear whether your offering wll work satisfactorily with so much of the electrics originating in the US. Is this device compatible, as the US parts do not show signs of leaking smoke?
Jun-09-05
A: The Lucas smoke may cause failure of the connecting interstices, but the, so will everything else.

Q: Maybe you can help me. I have an old generator that I have suspected of having a metaphysical ozone leak for several years. It’s one of those things I feel I know to be true but cannot prove. Anyway, through an ingenious marriage of a Sharper Image Ionic Breeze air purifier and a breast milk pump, (by the way, both were obtained on ebay) I have devised a way to recharge the ozone that I can smell leaking from the generator. But, you guessed it, when I disconnect the wiring to introduce the replacement ozone I invariably cause a smoke leak. Do you think there is a way to mate our two machines in such a way that I could “kill two birds with a single stone” – if you will.
Jun-09-05
A: That's just wrong.

Q: Can I use this device to replace the smoke in my Alfa Spider? Is Brit smoke the same as Italian smoke?
Jun-09-05
A: Only if it's pre-Bosch.

Q: Will this kit put back ALL the smoke in a 1975 Midget wire harness? Some time ago while driving our 75 Midget smoke began pouring from under the hood, after pulling over, smoke was immediately followed by flames. A HUGE amount of smoke was lost from the wire harness (10 minutes worth before the fire deparment showed up). Your jar appears to be too small to contain the volume of smoke produced by the Midget on that day. Please specify quatity of smoke. PS - Would you know where can get bulk replacment glue on insulation, there is none left on any part of the wire harness under the hood. The harness appears to be intact but is lacking smoke holding insulation. I'm planning on rerouting the main power buss from over top of the fuel line. This way next time I will have smoke, red hot wires without melting thru the fuel line. Thanks in advance.
Jun-09-05
A: You'll need bulk smoke, but I'd try your last suggestion before ordering any. Good luck!

Q: Is this setup on the "metric system" or can it be used universally? I have a MB 380SL but have replaced some of the wirings with U.S. products. Will your product make the transition? Also, are there any EPA limitations on shipping?
Jun-09-05
A: This setup is Whitworth only. sorry.

Q: As you may or may not know, the Japanese 'borrowed' heavily from British designs back in the 50's and 60's. In fact, the Skinner Union carbs on my beloved Datsun 1600 roadster were actualy built by Hitachi under license. Also, most of the electrical devises in early Datsuns were copied from Lucas. That said, do you know if an adapter is available to use the Lucas Kit you offer on a Datsun 1600 or do I need to keep searching for the Hitachi/Mitsubshi version? Thanks, Paul
Jun-09-05
A: It sort of worked in my Datsun 410 Station Wagon, but the lights all shined in instead of out. It was quite disturbing...

Q: Does this unit contain new or re-cycled smoke and will if my 1966 Triumph Bonneville motorcycle?
Jun-09-05
A: This is new, previously un-leaked smoke, as originally installed on your T-120. Have at it!

Q: Would this product fix the Miller dynamo on my motorbike? The smoke got out of it years ago and I am in despair. Having to run a total loss electrical system now. Please, no smart-alec comments about nothing to lose. I have been desparate for a cure for years and will jump at anything. I get so depressed. But I really liked your answers to all the questions. I learned so much. You must be smart. What are some good upgrades for my bike? Should I get a Boyer electronic ignition?
Jun-09-05
A: Probably.

Q: It looks like a self contained, auto smoking, environmentally enclosed, smoke recirculation, multi-smoker bong I created in the late 60s. The only thing missing is the air manifold (from a fish tank set-up) to hook up the individual smoking tubes. Are you sure you didn’t get this idea from me, when we were smoking that wacky tobacco one time? ; > )
Jun-09-05
A: Could be. I can't remember.

Q: I have the idential part but needs the smoke refill cartage, i was told to ring 84433 3-33888444555 or speed dial 666 is that you?
Jun-09-05
A: No, that's that shop in Michigan.

Q: Do you have any idea if the kit will work on Alfa Romeos? My 1963 Giulia has bullet connectors, a Lucas windshield wiper motor, and a variety of other Lucas components. Earlier Alfas had lots more Lucas stuff, such as starter motor and generator, so I imagine it's more suited to them. On a different note, did Alfa's change from Lucas to Bosch signify the end of the of the 'Italian masochistic' era?
Jun-09-05
A: This will work with the Lucas portions. The Bosch change was a misbeggoten effort to work around the simultaneous Italian/British Stevedore Strikes of the early 70s.

Q: HI, JUST HAPPENED ACROSS YOU AUCTION. GREAT ITEM BUT I AM CURIOUS. I DO ARCADE GAME REPAIRS ON THE OLD UPRIGHT ARCADE GAMES. YOU KNOW, PACMAN, DEFENDER, DIGDUG? THE X-Y MONITOR TYPE GAMES SUCH AS BATTLEZONE, STARWARS OR TEMPEST ARE FAMOUSLY KNOWN FOR RELEASING THE X-Y SMOKE FROM THEIR MONITORS. WOULD THIS TOOL BE SUITABLE TO REINTRODUCTION OF MONITOR SMOKE. YOU SEE THE SMOKE IS READILY AVAILABLE ON EBAY BUT THE RECHARGE TOOL IS NOT AS ATARI QUIT OFFERING THEM YEARS AGO. THESE MONITORS ARE QUITE EXPENSIVE TO REPAIR WHEN YOU DONT HAVE THE PROPER SERVICE TOOLS. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS WOULD WORK OR WOULD I NEED AN ADAPTOR SUCH AS P/N 2FUB-1269-AR. THANKS.....FRED
Jun-09-05
A: Got me. I got my VIC-20 to run one game of "Hangman" with just a spritz, though.

[Treza360]

Q: Enough, enough already! I cannot allow you to perpetuate this lowbrow fraud any longer! Anyone with any knowledge of Lucas products should recognize that the Lucas label art on the jar is wrong for this early version of the smoke kit. And of course, the lid should be black with the valve oriented 180º to the label. The smoke color itself is not original to the early cloth insulated wiring and perhaps even for the early plastic insulation. Bidders beware, this is most certainly a replica, and a poor one at that — possibly from Taiwan. Additionally, the smoke replacement kit was meant to be used only by highly qualified personnel. The dangers of misuse are indescribable - certainly I can't…, but the phrase "gone up in smoke" was born of this process.
Jun-09-05
A: Oh, yeah? well, in the interest of openness, I'm going to place your tirade on the site. That doesn't mean I like it, though.

Q: I wonder if you would do an exchange (with a cash adjustment in my favour). I have some bottles of 'bottom air' that was supplied by Dunlop many years ago. The advantage is that it takes up very little space as of course when you get a flat the top air in the tyre remains perfectly serviceable, it's only the bottom air that needs replacing. I will wait your reply. All the best from the UK.
Jun-09-05
A: If this is the proper bottom air for a set of 4.00X 10 Gold Seals, we may be able to work a deal. We have a '68 Moke in the shop with original rubber, and the domestic bottom air keeps migrating out. It evidently deoesn't have enough atmospheric British ambient smoke to fill the pores in the tyres.

Q: My brother Joe is currently (well last 8 years) working on a mini and he's never managed to get ANY smoke out of it yet. Would it be possible to use this kit to make some come out of other parts of the car - not just the wiring loom. I was thinking mainly about the exhaust...
Jun-09-05
A: No.

Q: Geez, I wish I had seen this auction before I bought some "off-shore" smoke. I didn't realize there was some OEM stuff left. To make matters worse, I switched to synthetic smoke (yeah, I know) but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Unfortunately for my 72 Range Rover, I have not yet been able to fashion an effective bypass for the optional Fairey smoke pump which has recently failed. If only you could have made this item available earlier!

[Markybhoy]

Yes. 90% of mini owners had a can of WD40 or similar to spray on the ignition when required. The other 10% didn't drive in the rain (whether they wanted to or not - their car wouldn't go).

It wasn't too long after I had my headlight issue that I went to a 'Pertronix' electronic ignition. The car ran sweet as....most of the time. I still had the issue where I had to disconnect the battery after every use or it would discharge and i'd have to bump start it. I had a little electrical switch on the battery terminal to do it and when I sold the car I marketed it as an 'anti-lucas tap' lol.

[Mrk_Mickey]

Haha that stuff is golden. I couldn't be bothered reading it all but it was funny