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Thread: Not my comments but it did make me chuckle "yes permission to repost was given"

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Mt Cotton

    Not my comments but it did make me chuckle "yes permission to repost was given"

    This was written by a contributor on the Brickyard he obviously has an axe to grind with VW in Europe .

    Well Sir welcome to the T5.1 from unofficial VW Customer support, we will now point out our upgraded features in the new T5.1.

    Drive shafts are now made of toffee and designed to fail at 30,000 miles.

    EGR valves are also now included to feck up your DPF so dealers can charge you for half a dozen regens before realising what's causing it.

    Windscreens have been lightened to chip and crack more easily.

    We have added a feature not seen commonly on the T5's RUST, commonly seen on Mercedes vehicles. Look for it around the side door handles and sills.

    We have removed the temperature gauge from the dashboard so dealer gets more work and by the time the light comes on the damage is done.

    We have removed the brake wear sensors which you would be used to so now instead of a light to advise you of pad wear you look for shavings on the rims. Please note we have designed it for rear pads to fails at 30,000 where before you would have expected 60,000. Front pads wear out around 40,000 miles.

    Side doors falling off are a new feature. Be sure to wear steel toes as we are not liable for your safety.

    Painting is now optional under the bonnet and inside the vehicle. Primer is the new colour.

    Be sure and order your new spare wheel, if not the dealer does, collects four and sells them for a profit.

    Power steering pump have now been sorted but the racks are starting to leak. We can't give you everything.

    The steering wheel texture has been softened to insure it starts wearing out around 30,000 miles.

    Under shielding on the T5 have been removed along with the battery cover. Sir it is the time of austerity.

    Our upgraded upholstery is now designed to go to holes at 50,000 miles.

    We now make the mirror covers our of tissue paper so a large flying insect or something like it can crack the covers. We now only make them in two parts. The mirrors fold up rather than in so in an impact better chance they break maximising parts sales unlike the old T5 mirrors.

    We have kept old favourites of the clonk, the dodgy wiring under the seats.

    We have weakened the lenses on the rear lights fo they crack easily too. About as robust as a Riz cracker.

    Features removed are the self destructing water pumps, moo valve, oil cooler problems, power steering pumps, toe holds in bumper to let short arses like me clean the windscreen.

    We trust you will pay top wedge for what you think is a quality vehicle and hope to get after sales support but we would like to point out our vehicles come with a tail light support, once we cannot see you tail lights don't come calling.

    If you wish to contact us we do not publish an address and you can only use a support form which means you don't have a copy of correspondence and we can blame the computer and say we never got you email.

    If you wish to contact us please use, wedon'tgive****@vwcustomerservice.feckoff

    Thank you for taking the time to inquire about our vehicles.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Adelaide hills, SA
    Users Country Flag
    ...and I have moved it to the section where it belongs.
    Performance Tunes $660 Only till the end of summer

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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Mt Cotton
    Thread Starter

    Sorry again for my blunder but it was related to the T5,s that's why I put it there but point taken and no problem I figured it would get moved to the right spot .


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