1. Rumour has it that the floods in Pakistan were started by a suicide plumber.

2. There's a new curry been brought out in aid of the Pakistani flood disaster victims. It's a chicken bury auntie, served with nan dead and poppa gone.

3. The British Nationalist Party have donated 6000 crocodiles to the Pakistani flood appeal.

4. The Queen has sent a letter of condolence to the Pakistani president. She wanted to mention that Britain has plenty of spare pakis if they want some back.

5. I bet little Mohammed isn't having to walk 3 miles fetch water now! I think I'll ask for my £1 a month donation back



6. What do you call a Pakistani flood survivor......................Mustafa dinghy

7. A new film has been made about the floods in Pakistan . It's called ' Water **** drown'.

8. What goes around comes around. Pakistanis have been flooding Britain for years.

9. From space, Pakistan looks like a giant bowl of coco pops.

10. There is a new diet sweeping Pakistan . It's called swim fast.

11. Charity single just released for the Pakistani flood disaster...........Rain drops keep falling on Ahmed

12. A donation of just £4 could save a thousand lives in Pakistan .
Co-incidently, at Sainsbury's you can get 4 cans of Stella for just £3...99 - You decide!

13. Thousands Dead. China is sending clean water.
America is sending tents.
England is sending replacements

14. The Pakistan president Asif Ali Zardari says "the main problem we are having mopping after the flood is that all our spongers are over in the UK !!!"