Checked the 4 fuses in the dash and in the engine compartment pertaining to ABS and ESP as per the service manual but they were fine... I thought you were onto something there. Where is the ABS module located? (is it a 5min job to disconnect or is it buried somewhere)?
Just notice something else weird, with the driver door open, the dashboard shows the front passenger door is open and vice versa. Haven't tested the rear doors.