Read this as i have been working on some old american cars lately ...
its more specific to the USA but funny nonethe less
AIR COMPRESSOR - A machine that converts energy produced from a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 50 years ago by someone in Michigan or England and twists them off.
BOLT & STUD EXTRACTOR - A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known center punch or drill bit.
BREAKER BAR - A long tool used for loosening and tightening nuts and bolts. When used to tighten , the rule of thumb is, "Tighten until it strips, then back off 1/4 turn."
CRESCENT WRENCH - An adjustable tool used to round off bolt heads.
DRILL PRESS - A tall, upright machine useful for suddenyl snatching flat, metal bar stock out of the user's hands typically resulting in serious injury.
ELECTRIC DRILL (HAND) - Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until the user dies of old age. It also works great in drilling mounting holes in fenders just above brakelines.
FLASHLIGHT - A dead battery storage unit.
HACKSAW - Member of the "cutting tools" family built on the ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into crooked, unpredictable motion. The more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
HAMMER - Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is now used as a divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object the user is trying to hit.
HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST - A tool designed to test the tensile strength of ground straps and fuel lines.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK - A device used for raising a vehicle off the ground. When RAISING: The first stopping point will ALWAYS be 1/2" below the top of the jackstand. When LOWERING: The stopping point will ALWAYS be 1/2" above the hight needed to remove the jack.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE - Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to the front door. It works particularly well on boxes containing tonneaus, soft tops and leather upholstery.
METAL SNIPS - (See "HACKSAW")
OXYACETELENE TORCH - Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable garage items on fire. It is also exremely useful in igniting grease inside a brake drum of which the user is trying to get the bearing race out.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER - As its name implies, this tool is used to round off Phillips screw heads.
PLIERS - (See "CRESCENT WRENCH")
PRY BAR - A tool used to crumple sheet metal surrounding the clip or bracket the use needed to remove in order to replace a 50-cent part.
STEEL MEASURING TAPE - A long, slender, steel ribbon marked at every inch. Steel tape will always break-away and bend downwards just before the user reaches the point needed to measure.
TIMING LIGHT - A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease that has built up on a harmonic balancer.
TORQUE WRENCH (BEAM-TYPE) - A long tool used to precisely tighten nuts and bolts. The handle will always contact the firewall, fender or freshly-painted surface just before the required torque is reached.
TORQUE WRENCH (CLICK-TYPE) - Like the beam-type, it is used to precisely tighten nuts and bolts. May also be used as a very accurate and expensive breaker bar.
TUBING CUTTER - An extremely accurate tool used to cut brake and fuel lines exactly 1/2" too short.
VISE-GRIPS - Similar to the CRESCENT WRENCH in that it is used to round off bolt heads; however, they are also typically used to rapidly transfer intense welding heat to the palm of the user's hand.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS - Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating missing 9/16" or 1/2" sockets.
WIRE BRUSH WHEEL - Cleans rust off of old bolts. Upon completion, it will throw the bolt under the workbench. It is also useful in removing fingerprint whorls quickly.
-2007 VW Passat Sportswagon 2.0TDI DSGFormally known as HitmanR32
- 1989 MKII Golf Shell - Another Project...
- 1982 VW Golf GTI - (long term project)